[This is a reposting of an email that I had sent to various close friends in mid-2003.]
| ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// | | 1. realisations and hard lessons learnt. | | 2. my plans for the coming 6 months. | | ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// | | \ | # | / lessons learnt | # | \ | | i have woken up from the funk that i entered back in april. | | this has, without doubt, been the quietest period of my life. i achieved | fuck all. | | my apologies also for not really talking and keeping in contact much. | whereas usually i do that because i am caught up in something exciting, | and forgotten to even eat, the last few months have just been shit. | | anyways, i recently got one of my moments of extreme clarity. when | everything came together in perfect harmony. the last time this happened | was when i was 16, and resulted in a lot of fun things, like esp =) | | this moment of clarity has served to put my basics back in sync, taking | into account the experiences i have had and lessons "learnt". | | and, although it's probably just common sense to most of you, i thought | i would share some of my realisations, thoughts and decisions. | | # | / small steps matter | # | | i have always been too fixated on leaps and bounds and have hated small | steps. this was made even more acute by my will-be-dead-at-27 thing. but | i have come to realise that without taking small steps, you just won't | get anywhere. | | the problem though is that i have always been afraid of getting stuck in | a small step. just look around at all the shit jobs people do and | meaningless lives they lead... | | but the solution is pretty simple. you just have to *simultaneously* | focus on small steps _and_ the giant leaps. and, in the end, it is from | the small things that the big things grow. | | # | / large ego bad | # | | my ego has always been a source of amusing contradiction for me. on the | one hand, i am a relatively selfless individual. but, yet, i am | extremely self orientated. | | and, recently, it not only bordered on arrogance, but was arrogant. | | but, even worse, my ego was damaging my work to unite the world. at | times, i became over-protective of my ideas. but, that was just plain | stupid. not to mention hypocritical for someone who doesn't believe in | ownership. | | so, to be effective, i have to let go of my ego and work with others and | treat them as the equals that they are. | | this, in turn has affected my plans substantially. | | for example, instead of creating one large organisation which will be | the transformative, transindustrial, transnational which will lay the | way for uniting the world, i have decided to instead focus my energies | on creating an ecology within which multitudes of organisations can | flourish and co-operate effectively. | | # | / large ego good | # | | my ego is also one of my strong points. it gives me the balls to do what | i do, bolsters my confidence and renews my belief in my vision, which in | turn fuels my optimism and gives me boundless energy. | | the trick is to use it appropriately. especially in relation with my | charisma. | | unfortunately, like with ejaculation and orgasm, i had mistakenly | thought the two came together. but, this isn't so. one can be | charismatic without an overpowering ego, and yet be fueled by the ego. | | unfortunately, i haven't really had much chance to put this into | practise yet, but now that i have realised it, should be easier to do so. | | # | / like ego, like perfectionism | # | | perfectionism can be a wonderful ally. i expect it from myself and | others in the work they do for me. however, it can also be a real | barrier. instead of simply getting something out, i try to create | systems that accomodate all possible eventualities. | | but, when you consider the 20/80 rule (20% effort == 80% output), and | take into consideration the most precious commodity we all have, time, | being a perfectionist seems to be neither wise nor advantageous. | | i have no idea how i am going to overcome this little problem, but if i | am to achieve everything that i intend to, then it must be done. | | # | / the importance of completion | # | | one of the drawbacks of enjoying hypomania is that i am easily | distracted. new ideas. new thoughts. oooh, shiny thing! | | add that to my perfectionism, and i can end up in a state of starting | multitudes of things, but never completing them. i need to bear some | self discipline in mind. need to ensure that the task at hand is | completed before moving onto another. | | but, this is easily solvable. see, i am amazing at goal-drected | activities (and this is in fact another benefits of hypomania i am | told). so, all i need to do is to write and maintain todo lists! | | # | / a self note | # | | be more aware. | | be more aware. | | be more aware. | | # | / the journey is the destination | # | | although i think i follow this more than most people, i need to remember | it more. | | also, combined with sustainability, i have decided to live out my | childhood fantasy of doing every job possible. so, i am going to look | for all sorts of part-time jobs. from being a cook, to a gardener, to a | builder, to a teacher, to an electrician, to a barman, to ... | | the aim with these jobs isn't to make much money, or to find a long term | career in them, but to broaden my life in general with people, | experience and knowledge. | | and, in money terms, these jobs will make me sustainable with regards to | my basic needs. for a few days work a week, i could make enough to pay | any bills, repay some of my debt, and afford good food, clothing and | transport. | | i am tired of living on the poverty line. living on a few quid a week | gets real tiring after the twentieth time. | | also, sustainability means no need to be a burden on others whilst i | work on more ambitious projects. | | # | / this is my life and it is ending one minute at a time | # | | like the "journey is the destination" maxim, this is another that i have | lived by for a long time now. but, again, i need to remember it more. | | too much time wasted in idling about and not enough in doing the work or | having real fun. life is too short to simply think/talk about ideas. i | should write things down, and wherever possible, actually implement | them, or at least, get the ball rolling so that others can do so. | | i have also often found life to be a hell of a lot more fun when i keep | this in mind constantly. | | # | / integrity matters | # | | somewhere along the way, i lost touch with integrity. not that i was | intentionally trying to trick people and be immoral. but, my morals got | perverted by my long-term logic. | | e.g. "it doesn't matter that i had told this person that i would repay | them by this date, because i will simply make lots and lots of money in | the future, and repay them back tenfold." | | too many promises broken. my word has been meaningless, as i was willing | to compromise it based on my long term aims. too many loved ones hurt. | | so, from this point onwards, i vow to conform reality to my words, i.e. | keep my promises and fulfill expectations, and do my best to fulfill | previously given promises. | | i want to nurture a world full of love, and if i cannot keep my | commitments and promises, then there is no reason for people to trust. | and without trust, there is no love. | | also, i had been breaking expectations i had set myself. justifying to | myself changes and modifications to my plans. "it doesn't matter if i | don't complete this now, as once i have done this other thing, then this | would have been solved." | | if i am to get anywhere in uniting the world, then my word has to be | stronger than oak. especially to myself. | | \ | # | / a summary of the coming months | # | \ | | so, in order to see how well i conform reality to my words and to write | a nice todo list for myself, i am going to lay out my general plans for | the next 6 months, and see how well i do. | | so, in no particular order, we have: | | * sort out current situation. tie up all loose ends so that i can | gradually become a complete and sustainable nomad sometime during | the period. | | * setup a proper riva (live/work space) at efpee (finsbury park), and | gradually expand the various other locations into fully fledged rivas. | | * get part-time jobs of varying nature (cook / cleaner / gardener / | salesman / barman / stripper / tailor / mason / etc.) to pay the bills | and expand boundaries of knowledge and enrich life. | | * form a collective, with those willing and close, to experiment with | the various economic models, especially eco-economics (i.e. taking | ecological footprint into account), to provide for each other's basic | socio-economic needs. | | * finish developing xnet 1.0. this will provide the necessary groupware | communications, knowledge, content, commerce and project management | infrastructure for future. setup a few sites to demonstrate the tech. | | * see friends that i haven't seen in ages. see if any of my lovers still | love me. (my love is eternal, but to many, absence in love is often | like water upon fire, a little quickens but much extinguishes). | | * get the consultancy (opn tech? via3?) going so that it promotes the | toman (my open organisation) model and brings in revenue by selling | expertise on the various developed tech, e.g. xnet, kalati, etc. | | * perhaps also join via3 as a technical director and transform it into | the global intelligence unit for the third sector that it would like | to be and develop the tech needed to enable a green barter network. | | * work on building up the uniteddiversity lifestyle brand in general. | ensure that book selling, nites promotion and ud communication hub | have effective infrastructure. sort out ecogoods delivery to members. | | * get body and mind back into gear: eating regularly; exercising; | cleansing; sleep depriving again; meditating; practising multiple | awareness, memory, neural reprogramming, lucid dreaming, etc. | | * start reading books again. haven't done this properly in over a | decade. use the knowledge management features of the xnet to maintain | and grow an effective knowledge base. (do same with music/movies). | | / | | * code and release plex 0.1 (a decentralised network with built-in | indexing, event routers, and trust-matrix based identities). get | certain espians working on it and heading towards 0.2 with a better | networking layer and a working distributed, component-based | application framework (kalati). | | * step up on the war on ignorance. ensure that it is being effective, | and start out by creating bookshare systems and simple alternative | media infrastructure. | | * learn languages again. work on elocution wrt english/tamil. practise | what little french/hindi i know. and, start properly learning at least | one of: spanish, arabic, russian, norwegian, greek, japanese. | | * put espmantra into place. get a small team working on building up a | global profile. in keeping with the maxim of 'perception is | everything', a global image should be promoted through publications. | | * create a new business organisation to handle the sms and plex-based | reputation service with the venue and events registration/management | service. raise capital by selling franchises and traditional equity. | use some of this to "buy out" the shareholders of esp of old. | | * head out to kristiansand, norway. play with the big girl and the | rabbit. work on getting my amazing norwegian espian back working on | cool stuff again. visit the zoo. | | * interact and get involved with other groups and organisations again. | perhaps start off by renewing connections with the capitalist | and anarchist groups in kristiansand and giving them better tools. | | * go be a hippy and promote the uniteddiversity essence at the big green | gathering. (july 29 - august 3). | | * write and publish the "seed" + rehimsa document/book. this should | coincide with the release of plex 0.2. release both initially to the | 'friends of tav' mailing list and post-feedback, promote it elsewhere. | | * lay foundations for the organisations and projects put forward in the | "seed" document. chief amongst these is to revive esp and fundraise | for it by placing the plex on the "gift market". | | * start repaying debt to friends in installments with the aim of all | personal debt to friends being cleared by the end of the 6 month | period. | | / | | * become a technologically enabled sustainable nomad. on average, spend: | | - about a quarter of time learning (e.g. reading, listening, doing); | | - another quarter working (e.g. writing, coding, building, composing) | on the various ideas and organisations; | | - another quarter with others (e.g. talking, listening, dancing, | travelling, co-ordinating, negotiating); | | - and, the final quarter on life essentials (e.g. eating, sleeping, | loving). | | spread the essence of unity and love the world over. | | * work on the "instrument" (for those who don't know, this is a new | musical instrument that i intend to create. imagine air guitar making | actual sounds meeting hi-tech meeting dj'ing meeting manic dancing ;p) | | * explore wearable computing (perhaps get involved in the mithril | project). see if i can minimise the load of always-on technological | capability so that it's comfortable to carry about, and yet, be | effective at providing a powerful tool at all times. | | * go be a hacker/activist/artist at the chaos communication camp in | berlin, germany. | | whilst there, take care of other things too. in particular, spend a | bit of time working on "the touch society" regarding the importance of | touch. (august 8-11). | | * perhaps travel (train?) down to greece. hook up with relevant people, | organisations and communities as usual. and, depending on how i feel | about a certain someone, meet up with her. (august 12-14)? | | * head out to west coast usa. start out by dropping in san francisco for | a few days, and then get down to los angeles to meet up with some | of the infoanarchy kru and work on the playainfo trailer/installation. | hopefully also organise a mini-meetup of all american espians. | | once done, road trip to weather the dust storms at burning man. there: | spread the word of the multicultural yoghurt party; deploy wireless | infrastructure; host chats around the round table of democracy; | facilitate/engage in a barter economy; and, perhaps do a debut | performance on the "instrument". (mid august - early september). | | / | | * finish off the west coast adventure by getting the hell out of | civilisation for another week by chilling out with the underground up | in british columbia, canada. go hiking, visit hotsprings, chat about | gift economies. (first week of september). | | * bring together the relevant people and organisations to start up cge | (citizens of the gift economy). | | * get the "stop listening to the lies" campaign going in full swing down | in london. setup effective infrastructure for alternative mass media. | (hopefully the espian waveband project would have matured by then). | | * direct energies towards the "sustainable london" project. | | * setup local "resource centres" in london and as in many other places | as possible. amongst other things, these should: | | - bring together local communities. | | - house infrastructure. | | - provides effective and sustainable decentralised distribution | mechanism to facilitate trade/plexchange. | | * create plex+smart card based alternative currency and identity | systems. tie it together with the local resource centres and get | individuals and businesses from all over involved and using it. | | * utilise the created infrastructure to bring together cultural and | commercial aspects of the tamil diaspora. form organisations / | corporations based upon this. | | * help sellatel get established in the telecommunications industry. | in particular, work on creating and launching the dial and talk | service leading to community networks and voip. | | * start local "open space" meetings in finsbury park. get the community | to come together in all sorts of ways. an ecclesia in the pit in | finsbury park. discuss issues, flirt, dance into the nite. local wtf. | | * attend and perform at this year's sex maniac's "pastoral" ball. a | lord? a shepherd? a unicorn? (september 20-21). | | * get "prime scholar" going. linked in with the local "resource | centres", this would provide better and more useful forms of | teaching and learning. | | / | | * organise esp0rgy. a fortnight of intense development on the plex and | other espian projects (e.g. espra), with the aim of releasing a beta | version of the plex at the end of it. possibly in london / istanbul / | toronto? (late september - early october). | | * bring together interesting and relevant groups (from all the various | worlds: business, political, environmental, media, artistic, | economical, technological, etc.) from around the world for the first | wtfcon in toronto, canada. (first week of october). | | besides being a place to demonstrate the efforts of espians and the | other organisations working in and with the toman ecology, wtfcon | should serve as a gathering of the vanguard of "the root" movement. | | promote the proliferation of local wtfs to discuss and tackle various | relevant issues all over the world. | | * bring together talented artists (music/theatre/comedy/etc.) to | build up awareness and highlight the problems (especially the food/air | deal) the world faces and potential solutions to them. | | * go to one of the future heartlands of espia (kerala, india) and scope | it out, especially in terms of building a city there. | | kerala also happens to be not too far from coimbatoire where a certain | someone is doing her mba =) hopefully, she will be free to travel | around places. | | whilst in india, also make preparations regarding the organisation of | the world social forum in january of next year, and perhaps also | travel to other regions, e.g. gujarat. (mid-late october). | | * promote relevant ideas at the da vinci institute's future of money | summit in colorado, usa, e.g: pecus (plex economic currency units); | gift, reputation and eco-economics; global reference currencies; | micropayments; automated bartering; and, better organisational models | such as toman. (october 27-29). | | * perhaps get involved in setting up a business to business marketplace | in the cote d'ivore for all that cocoa! provide the producers with | both soft and hard infrastructure. | | / | | * direct esp's energies into creating the plex based automated | multi-party bartering network which ties into reputation branding and | trust based producers and consumers and, of course, the toman ecology. | | * spend some dedicated time promoting the plex on the gift market; | become a "darling" of the mainstream media; focus a lot of energies on | business development. | | * co-ordinate pedipeace. preparations for this should have started right | after wtfcon. let peace, love and harmony ring in cities all over as | we engage the democracy at crossroads. (early november). | | * help organise and attend the european social forum in paris/st dennis, | france. listen to what everyone is saying, and try and help everyone | work together better. (november 12-16). | | * perhaps check out the interesting things happening in south america, | especially in argentina and brazil. if possible, try and live there | for a few weeks. (mid november - mid december)? | | * join the world future council and help them become more effective in | creating a viable alternative to the undemocratic united nations and | become a true voice of humanity. | | * work towards enhancing the status of women the world over. research | into and explore matriarchal societies. | | * start off a system of voluntary subscription to a one-child policy. | experiment with the idea and create a marketplace where child rights | can be exchanged. | | * establish intellectual property to be a fallacy, and build up | awareness of the various organisations, e.g. riaa, wipo, which are | hampering social evolution in selfish short-sightedness. | | * help create the book of money as an evolving publication/art. write a | piece on the various economic models for it, e.g. pecus, etc. | | * work a bit on writing the science-fiction novel 'under the shadows of | the simura' whenever inspiration strikes. likewise with 'the smiling | ones'. | | * perhaps visit sri lanka to scope out the viability of building a | city there. | | / | | * attend the world summit on the information society (wsis) in geneva | (switzerland) and get involved in the united nations effort to close | the digital divide. (december 10-12). | | promote creating renewable-energy powered, wireless mesh-networked, | open source operating system and plex enhanced aierus (artificial | intelligence enhanced resource units). perhaps also get involved | beforehand in the preparatory committee meeting for wsis, prepcom-3, | also in geneva. (september 15-26). | | and, if, there is enough momentum for it to materialise, help organise | and attend the world forum on communication rights. | | * have another session of esp0rgy in either london/istanbul with the | intention of releasing a near final version (0.9?) of the plex by the | end of it. (mid-late december) | | * party! get everyone i love (especially the wasp kru, espians, and | udites) for a new year's party that crosses national boundaries. | perhaps also tie it in with a big int'l uniteddiversity nite/party. | | * head over to india again and work on the preparations for the world | social forum in mumbai. provide technological infrastructure to all. | get everyone to focus on the solutions rather than on the problems. | (january 16-21). | | * form a political "party" that reflects the toman ecology, the real | biosphere and values of direct democracy balancing the global with the | local and the needs of the majority with that of the minority. | | create a common framework for the various commons (land and labour) | that are being formed/nurtured, to interoperate, so that eventually, | when a global vote can take place on the governing of it, there can | be a smooth transition. | | * train more guardians. tie that in with putting together and growing | teams that can create temporary cities rapidly and effectively. the | city builders. | | * design architecture for the future that minimises ecological impact | whilst maximising usage of technology and fosters an environment | which serves to bring people together as opposed to keeping them | segregated. | | * perhaps (if i can get an invite) attend the world economic forum in | davos, switzerland, in the role of ceo of esp. try and convince the | various multinationals/nations to adopt the toman model and the | related economic concepts. (january 21-25). | | / | | note: any statement tempered with a "perhaps", especially that last one, | is something that i either believe is not really possible given external | dependencies and/or time constraints. | | but, as to the rest of the plan, although as a whole, it is without | doubt extremely ambitious, each item on the todo list is well within my | capabilities, and thus as long as i keep at it consistently, it should | all be realisable. | | wish me luck, and help me stay on course! | | -- | happy kisses, infused with the spirit of the huntress, tav
